Remorse
by Autore Raita
Summary: For years, he was always the one leaving them. Never would he have thought that he would be the one watching his son walking away from him. Iemitsu-Tsuna fic. Oneshot.


_(Tsuna's age : five years old.)_

_His hands were big, rough but gentle in a way that Tsuna loved so much. They hooked themselves under his arms as he brought him up to a large, warm, bear hug. _

_Tsuna watched, angered, shocked, but somehow awed as the large fond grin appeared on is father's lips. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He hated his father. Always appearing and disappearing. He had stepped into the room, determined to stay away from him. That man was self-centered, reckless and a liar. He'd lied to them so many times that Tsuna could barely count. Birthdays, anniversaries and festivals. He'd missed it all. Tsuna remembered the last time he promised to return for christmas. He had to cry himself to sleep as he hugged Mr. Bear to himself, hating his father more than ever. _

_But yet, the moment he stepped into the room and met his father's soft blonde eyes, he found that he couldn't keep up the anger up anymore. His resolve melted away almost instantly and he found himself running towards his father's arms despite how much he willed his limbs to stop. His mind was in a storm, screaming for him to stop, to get a good look at that man and to realise just how stupid he was for craving that man's touch. _

_He missed his father. Missed that adventurous sparkle in his eyes that he had blamed for his father's absence but yet couldn't help but love. _

_People like the scowling old man next door, animals like the loud hissing cat down the alley and meanies like the scary boogey man in his wardrobe. His father was always able to chase them away. His father always protected him away from the old man. He could pick up the scary kitten by the scruff of her neck and dump her aside as though she meant nothing. And the boogey man never once came whenever he was around. He was like Tsuna's very own superhero. And even though he was never home, secretly, Tsuna loved him much more than he loved his Okaa-san. _

_His father's presence itself was like a huge, large and warm security blanket that would slip around Tsuna secretly without him realising. His arms were strong, always wrapped around Tsuna with just enough force to not suffocate him unlike his Okaa-san did sometimes. He hated his father so much for never being around. But a part of him knew that he loved him so much that he could never hate him truly. If his father said that he could defeat the King in the scary book he read last night, Tsuna would believe him. Because he loved his father that much. _

_He sat in his father's lap, pouting, tears welling in the corners of his eyes. He was angry. Angry at himself for giving in this easily. Angry at his father for making him give in so easily. _

_Glancing up, he sniffed as he watched a conversation occur between his father and his Okaa-san. She was beaming brightly, eyes sparkling and cheeks flushing with joy. He just knew. Knew that he was going to leave soon. And then she would start crying again. He clenched his fist tightly and felt tears piercing at his eyes again. The thought itself made him mad, disgusted at his father. And as his father sent another grin towards him, Tsuna's anger grew. Not for his father, but for himself. For giving in so easily. He hated that man. Hated him so much. He knew that if he continued like this, he would definitely end up going by the man's wishes again. So he shoved his arms away and jumped off his lap, running back into his own room to cry. _

_He hated his father. But he hated himself more, for loving him too._

* * *

_(Tsuna's age : six year old)_

_"Tsu-kun.. why are you always so mean to Tou-san? He really loves you a lot.." _

_Tsuna gave no reply, only kept his fist clenched on his lap. He found that even though he should have hated him, guilt began to eat at his heart for her words. _

_"Each time your father sees his friend's sons being so close to them, he always gets upset because you never wanted to talk to him.. He's coming home today.. Won't you talk to him just for a little?"_

_His fingers dug into his tiny palms. Hesitation weighed itself down on his shoulders. Maybe just this time.. Maybe just this time, he would give him a chance. Maybe he wasn't going to leave anymore. Maybe he would be staying for good. _

_Tsuna's heart jumped a little just at that thought. _

* * *

_His father ruffled his head roughly with a grin. Tsuna resisted the urge to move away like he had done previously so many times as his mother's words replayed in his head. His father's grin widened, as though pleased. He gave Tsuna a large hug, reminding him of the man wearing that giant teddy bear costume that was all furry and warm. Tsuna giggled at the thought of his father being a bear. His mother would then be the Mother Bear. And he would be the tiny little bear. And together, they would be a huge Bear Family._

_Catching his giggles, Iemitsu grinned curiously, "What's so funny, Tsuna?"_

_With an toothy grin, Tsuna exclaimed excitedly, "Otou-san is like a huge teddy bear!"_

_A laugh escaped his father as he ruffled his son's hair. Pride was glinting in his eyes. "Is that so? Well aren't you afraid? I could eat you up for all you know!" Iemitsu added in a fake roar as he raised both his hands dramatically for effect. _

_Tsuna shook his head almost instantly, grinning broadly, "No! Tsuna loves Otou-san!"_

_Iemitsu laughed even louder, heart warming at his son's words. He leaned down and gave him a pinch on the cheek gently with a smile, "Is that so, Tsuna?"_

_Tsuna nodded almost instantly, enthusiastically. _

_Later that night, he sat in his father's laps as they ate. He remembered how his father nodded at him gravely and whispered that the monster would come if he did not eat his veggies. Tsuna had yelped and clutched his father's shirt tightly, looking out for the scary monster while his father fed him with a chuckle. His mother had watched them fondly throughout. _

_His fathers had grinned then, ruffling his head as he told him that he was proud of him for defeating the monster as Tsuna swallowed the last of his greens. And then as they sat to watch the television, Tsuna had glanced up at him, almost afraid as he asked the question._

_His father's eyes had widened for a second, making his heart jump, before a warm smile, Tsuna's favourite one, raised his lips up. Tsuna couldn't remember the last time he felt that happy when his father told him that he wasn't going to leave soon. He'd jumped up and tackled his father into a large hug, his father's arms coming up almost instantly around his. _

_His father wasn't going to leave, that thought itself made him so much happier than when he received Mr Bear for his birthday. _

* * *

_"You're leaving? But you promised Tsuna.." _

_Tsuna ran towards the living room with a grin, cradling a hug tub of ice-cream in his arms to share with his father. His footsteps were quick, excited. But they soon stop short at the sound of his mother's voice. _

_"You need to understand, Nana. I have my jobs too. Besides, Tsuna is still a child, he'll be fine." His father's voice was gentle, pacifying. **Disgusting. **_

_The tub of ice cream fell from his arms almost instantly. Feelings of hatred rushed through him like it had done so many times in the past. Why was he so stupid? He should've known. The last time he tried to give his father a chance, the same thing occurred. It was always like this. Yet he'd went and done it anyway. _

_The anger rose as tears rolled down his cheeks. He spun around and ran to his room, a choke sob escaping his lips. _

_He hated his father._

* * *

"Sorry Nana, but I need to leave now. I still have some work left back at Italy, you see."

It was the same. That sheepish, yet unrepentent expression. His eyes held no remorse, no regrets for the actions he always made, as though the world was supposed to be revolving around for him.

For years, he'd been holding it in. But then Reborn came. His appearance in his life gave Tsuna things he would never dream of having. He taught Tsuna to never hold it in, to show his feelings as they were. As Tsuna's fist slammed against his father's skin, he wondered briefly if Reborn would regret what he had taught to Tsuna.

His fist were throbbing, painful. But nothing, _nothing, _could beat the satisfying sound of crack from Iemitsu's jaw as he was sent back flying across the room. Gasps filled the room but he cared nothing for them. The farmiliar feeling filled his lungs, windpipe, his entire body. The feeling of anger, hatred and disgust. It was amazing in a sense, then after so many years, the blonde could still manage to pull such a feeling out of him. And in a way, Tsuna's hatred grew at how easily his father could still stir up his emotions. **_Disgusting._**

He watched, eyes narrowed, almost glowing orange, as his mother ran towards his father and whispered to Tsuna in shock, "Tsu-kun.."

His guardians were silent, shocked, disbelieving as they kept their concerned, wary gazes on him. They had never seen their boss this angry, and truth to be told, it was rather disconcerting. It made them helpless, unaware of how to deal with the situation.

A laugh escaped Tsuna's lips. The anger in his eyes betraying his emotions. "You really don't change, do you, Dad?"

His father was staring at him. Wide-eyed, surprised, disbelieving at how much his son had changed from that weak little boy to a grown up man that dared to bare his fists against his father.

"It was always like this," he whispered, swallowing the need to slam his fist against something. It left a vile, disgusting taste at the back of his throat. "You would appear out of nowhere, make think that perhaps having you as a father isn't all that bad before dropping the bomb on us and leaving as quickly as you came."

"For fourteen years," his voice wavered, pain filling them, "I hated you. But more than ever, I hated myself. For forgiving the worthless piece of trash I had for a father each and everytime he came home with that stupid smile as though he hadn't done anything wrong. I hated Mom for always acting as though nothing happened but what could I say to myself who too, gave in so easily?"

"Disgusting," he spat out, "Disgusting, disgusting, **disgusting**!"

They flinched as he raised his voice but he continued on as though nothing happened.

"All of this was **disgusting**. Okaa-san's love for you, your useless phony act as a father, and my illusion that one day, one day, perhaps you wouldn't leave anymore. They were all so disgusting I couldn't help but wish sometimes that I had never been born," his whispered out harshly.

Iemitsu snapped out of his shock, hesitating as he spoke, "T-tsuna, you don't understand! I have my responsibilities to take care of-"

"I understand!" he snapped loudly, cutting off his father. His eyes were sharp, piercing. The anger and hatred in them sliced through Iemitsu's heart like no other blade could ever.

"But so what if I understand?" it came out as a whisper, almost a whimper, "It doesn't make this any easier.. You'll never, Dad, understand that what I needed was never a strong protecting father that earned money for this family. I just needed a father that could be by my side. By Okaa-san's side."

Tsuna let out a shaky breath, running his hand through his hair. "I've had enough of this, Dad. Both the hatred and anger. I don't care anymore. Do as you like. If you don't feel like it, then don't ever come back ever again."

His eyes were resolute as they gazed into his father's, "For years, I was trapped under your actions. My emotions, confidence, even my life was controlled by you. From here onwards I'm controlling my own life. Don't even expect to have a say in them anymore."

Iemitsu stared in shock as Tsuna walked past him, past his guardians, past his mother, and headed straight for the door. He paused for a second, whispering, "Unless you plan on staying permanently, don't expect to see me at home the next time you visit."

With that, he walked out of the house without as much as a final look thrown past his shoulder.

_"Tsuna loves Otou-san!"_

_He would never hear those words again._

_~Fin~_

* * *

Thank you to those who reviewed Receive When You Least Expect It! :)

I wonder if there's anyone who can relate to this, yeah?

Father's are all big fat meanies, or well, some.

I apologise beforehand if I offended anyone with this fic.

Anyway, I'm probably going to stop with Iemitsu's fics. I think I've written too much.

If there's any fics you wanna see from me, leave a review, okay?

Ciao

Raita


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